Sounder SIGN UP FOR FREE
InYourElement
InYourElement

Episode 3 · 8 months ago

Fear

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Doing anything worthwhile typically invovles discomfort and fear. Our relationship to fear can often time determine how far we're able to push ourselves, and can sometimes be the secret to exceptional performance in the arts, sports, and business.

In this episode, we sit down with Keith Blakemore-Noble, the UK's #1 Fear strategist. Keith is a renowned anti-fear coach, using practices such as NLP and Hypnosis to help 'reprogram' the minds of over 5000 people to break free from their phobias.

You can find out more about Keith's work at https://keithblakemorenoble.com. 

In your element is a show dedicated tohelping you find your element. Every episode will be showcasing an idea, astory or an interesting person. WHO's living in Thair element with the hopesof helping you find your own being in your element, can mean many things tosome. It's a state of peak flot, where you perform at your best, are happy andcontent with life and are doing interesting. Things which areworthwhile talking about the idea is to uncover stories of people who areliving in their element and shaw wisdom on what it takes for others to alsohelp find their arm. So my guest today is Keith Blake monoble. Now Keith has areally interesting career where he helps people to transform their deepestfears into their greatest trengths. Since thousanty ten, he has helped overfive thousand people across the planet to transform their lives, which is whyhe is the UK's number one fier strategist, prior to moving full timeinto helping people. He spent the best part of two decades in ited, includingleading a team with members in the UK. Norway and New Zealand he's gone fromreprogramming and upgrading computers to reprogramming and upgrading people'sminds, and the ladter definitely sounds more interesting and rewarding so keith. I am so excited to have youon the show. You've got such an interesting story and background, andyou know I'd love to just dive straight into it and ask you know what broughtyou to this really interesting Korea poth. What was the the e the pull to tofear great question Arn and thank you forhaving here it's great to great to have have this chat? What move me from it toto doing what I do now, a basically I used to be painfully shy. Fo, the first forty years of my life, Iwas kind of terrified Jos. speaking with strangers. I used to think that Iwas lacking in confidence and now realize that, basically I hadsocialphobia, just the thought of speaking with strangeness was wasterrified, There's no way, for example, you and I could be- could be caffinglike this. It's like h how, on I speak with somebody. I don't know so that'spartly why I ended up in it, because it's great, I loved it. I enjoyedworking with computers and he didn't really have to speak to many peopleperfect, but with with any career as as you do well,you rise up. You eventually reach that point where it's no longer what youknow Tis, who you know that gets you future, gets your career progressionand, as you can imagine, being painfully shy a actively avoidingmeeting New People that kind of limits, your oe options for growth, fare and also it was having a Gan, imagin, Qoireand advers impact on my social life. What there was of it hopingy? How canyou socialize, when the thought of hanging out the Strangeris, terrifying,nd things? Things came to a head on Christmas? This was kind of just before the daysof a facebook nd and such like, really really being big in people's lives. Iwas a member of an online community and gone with the people there nicely it'sgreat chatting from behind a com. Computer key was brilliant and somebodysuggested because most of US lived with at that point. I live down south mostof us lived within about an hour or our SOS commute of London. Someonesuggested Why dan't we all get together and have a Christmas party, and Ithought why not. I know these people- I've beentalking with them for forthe past year. How hard can it be, and I went thereand discovered very quickly how hard it was because there's a huge differencebetween talking by a tech, ome computer keyboard, actually physically meetingsomeore bit face to face with them. So there I was basically in a room full ofstrangers. In effect it was, it was terrifying. I had a panic attack. I actually lockedmyself in a cubicle in the gents. Had a panic attack took about half an hourfrom each to calme back down again and I then fled. I ran from the thevenue didn't stop running till I was on the train. I didn't start coming downuntil the train was actually pulling out from it from the station. I didn't even stop to pick up my coatfrom there from the coachtead, because that would hve mean speaking tosomebody n. At that point I was in just such a Panny, so s thos. As on thetrain, Stat your head home, I was thinking you know you can't go through life likethis you've enough enough. You Gon to do something. What's life going to belike in five years ten years time, if you don't do something it's going tosuck and by chance coincidence, whatever youwant to call it. A friend dragged me pretty much draggedme along to a weekend, persoal development seminar, Shur shortly after and I was I was abit skeptical, but I thought well I'll,...

...go and see what seeas all about, and ithad a really profound effect, and I made some made progress in the eventitself. I could feel hey this stuff really really does does do something ow,because it was a free event. Obviously, their plan was to sell as many peoplesthat could into their ter into their trainings and that's erfully valid waydoing things I so of thought. HMM, I've made some progress in just these twodays. These tools that there ther theyre selling teaching how to use thestolls. It was NLP and Hypnosis and coaching that sort of stuff. I could use that to sort myself AC, somebing me I signed out, bought their entire everything. They were offeringthen Lpe typnosis, the coach training speaker training, the lot thinking wellmight as well do it all went through it all use that to sortmyself out found. I was good at it and I enjoyed doing it. I thought HM I'vBeenin it for a long time, I'm getting a bit bored of it. It'd be nice tochange careers, but I had a high paying job and I had all the outgoings and themortgage and everything that that goes with it. I couldn't couldn't afford and then another magnificent piece ofluck. A few months later, I was calling to my manager's office. He said Keith,sorry because of their carrent finances S, the company. Your position is nowbing great majedundant, basically her's a wheel, barronful of cash never comeback, and that was the point at which I thought you know what. If every I was looking for a sign thisis it because I I enjoyed coaching, I wanted to do it. The ontly thing that'sholding me back was I couldn't couldn't afford to take the big paycup. While Ibuilt things up in Ne, just been Giffen Tin will by full of cash. Let's do itand that's when I transitioned into full timecoaching and not look I've never looked back, never looked back wow. That issuch an interesting story and there's so much that I want to dive into anunpack there, but you know Youre your journey from from it and inparticular your I think you called it sociaphobia or secial anxiety. That issomething that really resonates with me because growing up, that's somethingthat I I really struggled with. I was terrified of interacting with not particularly strangest, but peoplethat I even knew as well in person. I would walk down the street and I'm froma small place. I'm from I'm from Gibralta- and they are everyone- knowseveryone, so you can't you can't walk down the main street without bumpinginto someone. You know, and that to me was one of the most taunting things and it's something that I reallystruggled with. So I resonate so much and I think it's something that a lotof people in who work in it also tend to struggle with, for some reason, we're kind of drawn to what makes usfeel comfortable. You know, sitting behind the computer screen Te Keyboard,sometimes it easier to send an email. Then it is to call someone and I'm really curious. Do you also find a lot of people come to you with helpto overcome this kind of social anxiety, social phobia? Do they have thesebackgrounds in it Oris that just you know, like a coincidence, you touch on a really interesting pointthere and there I there absolutely. Is thereabsolutely? Is the the stereotype around it of people being beingsocially awkward and getting on fine with computers and that things they can't get the computer doorjust not worth doing. You then put them in front of a person and they becometongue, tied d and can't h, wait to get away. Th. There's a stereotype and inpart that stereotype does come, is kind of based on reality. I mean noteverybody in it is shying everybody in itis several anxiety, but by any mean,but a lot of people do, and I think you're right. A lot of USgravitate to it, because it's that's the kind of person we are logical,analogical in our head, able to take the time to solve Al Hase. All theseproblems, fine, with with doing everything on the computer computyrkeyboard, but interacting with people, is a very, very different thing in campfor a lot of people be quite quite quite daunting. So a lot do get drawnto that and when I first set up this coaching, I I thought you know I don't want to beone of those people says: Hey I woul GOC. I can help anyone with anythingbecause well you kind of people arent looking for a Jack of all traidor.Looking for somebody who focuses in their particular area and the more youfocus on it, theyre strongly become on it. That's that's why I focus aroundfears and phobias, because it's the more I've been doing it for over tenyears, sole way ahead. Now, wh e, where...

I was when I started as a result, so Ithought you know what I couldn't mish following my own Expertis, I used towork in it. I was painfully shy. I know the journey. I know what it's like. Iknow the challenges and I speak that speak the same language. Let's, let's look at Ander's lots ofpeople in it oo are painfully shy or have social anxiety or whatever. So I set up seeking I to work with suchpeople and got very few clients, and it was. It took me a little whileto realize what was what was going on many people in that situation areperfectly content and perfectly happy to remain in that is like well. Whywould I want to start speaking with strange and I'm perfectly happy sathere in ther in the back and again when I look back on mysituation. It wasn't until very later, a lot later on in my career that Idecided him what I have to do something about it for the first fifteen years Iwas perfectly happy youo speak the stranges no ran close the doors, fine,I' happy so yeah. There's a lot of people. IIT havethose those sorts of behaviors and headlons on life, but they're perfectlyhappy with it. Theylt want to change, and if you don't want to change, whywould you so that's when I started moving out into the into the winderworld, so se that answers you question some sor yeah that really that paints oreally call for picture. I guess one of my next questions would be what are thetypes of clients, and I know you wouldn't be able to get into too muchdetail, but you know at a high level what are the kinds of people, the typesof clients that come to you and what are there? What are some of their fears?What are the some of the recurring types of fears that you usuallyencounter and deal with? unly question lovely question, so youcan kind of split the people I work with into kind of twocatwis you got general publicwill call thim for wantof a better description and then you've got people who work who work inbusiness, perhaps own own, run their own business or t ther, they're, partof a small business. So for the general public. I far the biggest collection in fears that the peoplecome with a fews of flying fears of height andfears of spiders, though those tend to be by father, there's the biggest sofMo cartmost common ones and the thing s Goino me the thing which links all ofthose people is theyv reached the point where this fear is such a problem intheir life, a stopping them doing sucking for doing things like lady who was terro scared of flying. She alsoturns out Hadplastophobias well, which which didn't Olt with it with theflying and her husband was actually living and working out in Hong Kol. Hewas on our contract out there for two or three years, or something likethat, and because of her fear of fear offlying, there was no way she could. She could visit visit, her husband andbecause of his job. He wasn't able to come back to heuk very often but sh shewas retired. So she had all the time in the world. She could visit him, but shecouldn't BCA. She was terrified that Wuld, that kind of drew her to gogoin to do something. So we had our session and a few weeks later got anemail from a hey. I'm Atin, a Hong Cong with my husband and we're having abeautiful time completely surprising. By turning up there, you go on the business side, selfemployed orsmall business. You got people where they have a fear and it they know it'sstopping them from from growing their business and give three three quick examples.The two most common ones are speaking in front of people, whetherit's on a stage in front of a thousand people or whether it's in a networkingmeeting speaking in front to twenty people or, even speaking in front ofsome clients or whatever speak speaking to groups, is a verycommon fear, and you reach the point where you have todo something about it, because otherwise You'e your companys, just notgoing to grow and worse on your competitors, will grow because they'llalways be the ones who are out there speaking, and so you end up gettingsignline or picking up the phone and making those calls o mean whether it'sprospecting calls or keeping customers updated, ony breakingbad news to customers. I know we committed to this schedule. I've mysupplies, OV. Let me down we. We have to delay it by a week. Those sorts ofthing or picking up the phone to making make prospecting calls and introduceyourself to potential client. There was a lady who she ran, network marketing business and what she used to do was every everyweekend, Sheud make a list of twenty five people: Hera, a plan being she's,going to call five on the Monday morning, five on the Tuesday morningand soon an so and so on.

She gets to the end of the week and shefound she'd call nobody every time she went to make a phone call. She wouldfind lots of urgent things she had to do instead, like oh there's, a coldwebe up in the corn, I better go and do some dust anything to get out of makingthe calls. This win happen a week after week after wee, you can imagine theimpact that has on the business. We do that session together, Sap Sundaynight ctaly rode the list to twenty five people. I asked her to give mecall on the Monday afternoon to let me know how she got on with a five people.She founed me on the Monday afternoon, so I'V got a problem. What's up Whel, Imade my list to twenty five. I sat down this morning to call the first fivepeople I loved, making thos call so much. I called all twenty five people.I've got no ric CALLTOLONA. I now you've get a much better classatproblem and the impact on the business, as you can imagine her business roybecause she now she was connecting so she got over that fear that was holdingaback so with businesses and business people, its the a fear which theyknowis holding back there, the growth of their business, all them withintheir business. So those kind of tend to be the two most common. What thertwo different Pategres of people and the most common fears within the ofcourse outside of that year, you can imagine thies all manner of differentthings. Whan people can literally have a fear of absolutely anything, it'spossible to have a fear of anything but somethings, more common than others wow.That is, that is so interesting. There's there's a bunch I'd love todive into, but one of the things that really, I would love to ask. Is You mentioned that you can be afraid ofanything, and so I'm really curious? What is some of the most irrational?You know crazy fears that you've come acrossthings that you just would not expect sure. The first thing eneresting you use theword irrational there. All Phobias are inrational and I don'tmean that in any any jarging way or anything like that, it's part of thedefferent polition of a phobia and if it's allright wit, you will justexplore that for for a minute to take a side Ad Dto to explore that, becausesometimes people say, Oh, I've got a phobia of XYSEAD and it turns out theyhound. They just got a a mile dislike of it. Becaus a phobia is reallyintense, irrational fear of something that poses you. No real threat or oriskits like a spider, for example. spijust think they can't do anything they can'tharmwas. We know because I used to have three phobius, sociophobia fear, fearof height and a fear of spiders. Those were the three of that I used tohave for years. Haven't got it haven't, got them nowand it's so good to get rid of them, but I can understand what it's like Imean with with spiders. I remember one tie was helping friends move house andI was helping the husband an I'm six woot, two tall he's about six woth twotoll we're both well built we're in the garage. We moved a sheet of wood awayfrom a wall, a hundreds of spiders behind theire, all sin O scattic andthe two of us ere terrified as boties. We were both backed against theopposite all way. Let's lot tell anybody about this. We know the spine O no threat, but itstill doesn't stop you bein being scared. So to know if you have a Phobi, it's anintense, irrational fear of something that poses you know, threatened byintense. I mean it can kind of make your freeze on the spot, your hearts,poundy, cold, sweats, all that sort of stuff, and yet you can have fears ofofphobias of anything couple of the most strange ones, owaned of a better word.One was a lady who had the fear of vomiting of being sick and not just of herbingsick, but of the thought of others being sick. Now she she's a dancer and she lives inNew Zealand, and she reached the point where she wasstarting to get inquiries for work from America, because the group that she waswith th they were getting lots of inquired from America which mant flyingout there now for her flying was a big problem, not because he was scared offlying. But what, if this turbulence and somebody on the plane is sick, andthat was enough to kind of freak her out, we session got it completely over that?U, obviously she doesn't look forward to the thought of throwing up now whatyou would but she'sshe's, okay with the thought of it-and I know this because I got an email from her a few weeks later saying: Heyguess what I mean la I'm Auditiong for a dancetroup in in La yes go you soyeah fear of vomit or volmiting, and justfear of the thought of other people volunteing. It was enough to stop Horfrom following a career and another...

...really strange one. Somebody who had afear of the color yellow anything that was yellow was enough tosend him into into panics and that that is a that wasa really Reay obscure one. So you really can be scared of or there areyou can find anything that that somebody W would be scared of- and thething to remember is just because of fear is an uncommon onelike yellow the'll, be very few people have that fear, but doesn't meanthere's anything wrong with you doesn't mean you strange or weird its serting,not something to laugh at it's just whatet. Something happened in lifewhich taught you to be to be deeply fearful of that thing, as ell could happen to any of us. Thatis really interesting. I'd love to learn more about what exactly how fearsactually develop. You mentioned it, something you know can have the result.As of you know, as a result of some kind of experience, can you dive intothat and sort of unpack now exactly people develop irrational fears?Absolutely so, there are three ways that we develop fears, because whenwe're born, we are scared of absolutely nothing. We have no fears whatsoever,as in has any parents of really young children. Orwill testify this kate ofnothing and the world can be a very dangerousplace if you're, not careful so as parents and as guardians or as anyonethat the oug children look up to its our responsibility to help to instill ahealthy respect for the danges of life, so that the kids ware end upkilling themselves. Unfortunately, we don't always do that good, a job of it. Sometimes weget it right. Sometimes we invertly over overstate that the dangers, andthere are three ways in which we learn for ours. Most of our fears. We developa young age before the age of seven. Sometimes things will happen. Wat,we'll love en in later life wit. The majority of fears that we have we cantrace all the way back to when we were aged zero to seven and the three waysin which we learn them are through direct experience throughobservation or through being taught and I'll just explain. Each one in a littlea little detail so through direct experience, imagine imagine you're athree year old or youre right in the part with with the parents, they'reoffbeing boring. Speaking with other other other adults grown ups, you wonder:oftand have to have a explore the park and play you can still see your parentsther thin. Yo'll, see you! That's all fine, so you're wandering around all of asudden this this thing comes bouncing up toward you teeth fur big slobberytongues is barking away. It's a dog coming running a racing up to up to toyou that thedog just wants to play. It's just SES tea, yeah soo to planwith somebody new to me: Yeah, it's barking away tail liking, so you raybenot encountered dots before something. Not This close up and you freak out itslike I'm scared, n. You scream your parents, see what's happening, theyare, not close enough to be able topull you away or to protect you or whatever, so they start screaming atyou to come to them and scream at the dog togethe. The way whe when were that age ourparents likegods to us nothing phases them, and here they are, they seem to beterrified and they'r screaming and shouting and so on as well, and thatjust seers in our brain, Oh my word, this thing could eat me. This isdangerous. So at that point we've learned thisthing is a threat to our life. No a unconscious the unconscious barkof that mind, as its main function is to keep us alive to protect us and keepis safe, so it now kind of stores its little padof very dangerous things dog. So any time we see a dog thereafter thatreally Col Park, which is looking for for threats, sees this and goes a it's.The red alert button puts puts us on on to full alert that happens in aninstant. It takes our conscious mind a little bit of time to go. What's that?Oh, it's a dog! Oh that's! PERFECTLY SAFE! That's just Aunti Mail Chiamathat couldn't hurt me, but by that time your body's in fullred alertyodrenalins pumping ready for you to run or fight for your life. You can'tSWETP stad off very, very quickly. You can't switch that off easy, which iswhy you going to into into your fear Ouly. You know it can't hurt you you'vegon into interfere, because it's some it's something you learned. The next way we can learn for us is byobservation, so suppose, when you're rear, like one year old or lesste yearold, every time a parent sees a spider, theyfreak out...

...and let you this throughout your wholelife. You very quickly learn OL! That's what we do. We see one of those, thosethings we freak out guy. I can do that because we learn by observing andmimiking mumicking what what those Roundus do. So we very quickly learnedto be scared. ASPITE is even though, we've never had a problem with Thim,even though we don't know what they are, we don't see any danger with them.We've learned: That's how that's how you respond, and the third way is. We get explicitly taught now,there's four words which I'm Gilling to bect pretty much. Every listener herehas had said to hem when they were growing up. Don't talk to strangers, we all get told that as as really youngchildren and it's there's no two ways about it: its absolutely life SavingAdvice, irs. The thing when was the last timesomebody said to you: Hey, Aaron, you're, big enough and old enough. Youcan look after yourself, Aron, it's okay to talk to strangers. sobody tellsus this plas when Er that young, because her parents are instilling thisinto us because they are terrified o what could happen if wi Yo talk tostrangers? Isall emotion comes through, so, instead of it being don't talk tostrangers becomes to us, it seems to come across mores. Don't you daredaugter stranger, because if you talkd her strange and he'll kill you to deathand Mommy and derlyowill be very upset. Oll, be your fault because you spoke toa stranger, it'slike anyonder, so mhan y grow up scared ofspeaking to strangers or whatever other thing that hat that said, O get down ofthere. Your fall and break your leg, depending upon the person in thesituations on they'v, started, develop a fear of hints. So those are the three ways in which welearn fears, usually before the age of about seven. Just because of the way Ihave minds and brains develop, so s, usually when we youre, but when we'reolder things can happen as well, I mean, if you're, in a nasty car crash, youcould well develop a bit ifferent anversion to being in cars. That is so.That is so interesting, and you know my next question kind ofrevolves around you mentioned you know, fear is something that we can learn to.We can learn to be afraid of something. My next question is actually about kindof intrinsic fear. You mentioned that you know when you're born you're, notafraid of anything and something that came to mind is thedark and how you know it seems, like you know, fundamentally, like almosteveryone, if not afraid, they're at least a little bit uncomfortable withwith the dark, and I'm wondering could that be an example of something that is.You know that that humans are intrinsically afraid of. Is there sucha thing as intrinsic fear or is every kind of fear? A learnt response got itGrat and it's a great a great question. An I mean yes, whet eway way way backhundreds of thousands of years ago. The dark did hold all manner of threatsto us, and so in those days we would have had bit more of a the fear of darkbecause it could hold walls which were going to tear us apart letes, forexample, or it could hold a another tribe, who's going to come and Tryneand then kill its all kit, ers all offo. Whatever so D do we have an intrinsic fear ofthe Dark, genetically we're, it's very likely genetically we'repredisposed to being able to quickly learn to beafraid of the dark. If you see what I mean because those who those who had nonever learned to be afraid of the dark comwe got eaten by those walls, so theydidn't get a chance to passage their jens on, so we're probably pregenetically predisposed to developing fears of the dark, but we're not bornscared of the dark. It's against stuff that we learned so, forexample, if there's always lights on, always it always lights on, so we don'ttend to get to experience the DART so an so when we encounter the dark, it can be be unnerving not becausewou're scared of her, but it's just sort of Ohdo what to do never really done thisbefore and then we start hearing things and we start imagining stuff or westart hearing tails a even when we're really young stories about going into the dark andall of these things. So we start to hear these and I imagination buildsthem up and then and put them all together, whereas on the other hand, if,if you have jo babies, that when they're asleep isdark and that they think they grow accustomed to it to being in the dark they're, not not scared of the dark,not because the geneticall any different, it's just their environmentat the time they were exposed both to like and Darso, they got comfortablewith with with both so t once they re...

...reached a point of being able tounderstand these stories about ghosties and and goblins and had things in thedark theit doesn't the mind, doesn't go all right if it'sdark as full of those, because then t they're used to having been in the beanin the dark, wow wow, that's o! That's O interesting. I think one of the one of the nextthings I'd love to get into is we've spoken about how people develop fears. Now, I'd like to talk a little bitabout how people can overcome fears and what are some of the? What are some of the things that peoplecan do to start facing those fears and overcoming them? What does what doesthat look like in your practice cool? So when I work with people every time I work with someone, it'salways bespoke to that particular person. I don't sort of have it rightes a checkhis we're going to do this, then this Tan, this and then you'll befine, because life doesn't work that way. Computers might work that way,people don't becausethey're all different, but the underlying kind of approach. The umplying sort of Te Pointeepthings that we do all the key aims are boldy consistentacross everyone, and that is to remove, given that with it wassomething taught us to be scared. Somewhere. There was a very first eventthat taught us to be scared. Everything we experienced after thatsimply reinforced the lesson. So when we coul go back to tha veryfirst lesson very first event get rid of all the negative emotion.That's there. First thing we do is remove the emotion around that event,because there was a lot of fear. So so, when you're able to kind of view thatevent almost like a third person third party watching the event from afar andthere's no emotion, there, then you're able to start to changewhat that event means to you, because nothing has any absolute meaning.Things only mean what what we choose them choose them to me. Three people can watch the same filmand all three of you come away with different interpretations as to what itmeant, none of which were the the meaning that the director had in mindwhen, when they were making it, for example, things mean whatever we werechoosen to me. So when we learned to be scared, tofsomething we learned, that means dogs are dangerous and when I see a Dollishould run or is it doesn't mean, doesn't necessarily mean that at all,so we by getting rid of the emotion, we're then able to watch it with thebenefit of hindsight and kind of as a a third party observing, what'shappening, anstart, to learn new things that itmeans yeand as we do, that it kind of changes at apersection o of what thisthing is what it means. I means we no longer have the fear now, when I mention this to people a say well orjust happing you're, going to go in to start changing my memories and changingall of these things. Now W when not as such. I'm not. We don't get wading andReprogram your memories and that sort of thing, because it's a veryinteresting thing about memory when we remember an event we're not actually remembering theevent. We are remembering the last time thatwe remembered it because it turns out that the Act ofremembering something actually destroys that memory, because that the memory isstored with different charges and chemicals and so on in neurons. Byaccessing that memory, they all theyll disappear, so that memory is gone, but something cool happens. When weremember of event, we actually remember remembering it so as we remember itwere storing what we're remembering. So when you remember something allyou're really doing, I just remembering the last time you remembered it now. Our memory is not fallible. So if Youe, recalling an event and partof so another part of your mind is, is recording what you're, remembering it's also going to be recording. What'sKoind of going on for you now and maybe some of the emotions that's going onhorn as a situation that's going on there, which means, when you rememberan event that was really scary but you'r you're having the time of yourlife and you're, really laughing lots, and you keep repeating that processover and over for a few minutes that memory, when you remember it,instead of remembering all the fear you're, actually remembering some oftheir the laughter D and an so on that it was going last time you rememberedit, so you actually got rid of the the negative emotion and that that whole thing about memory changes as we as we'reremembering things, that's why, for example,...

Tor thinking about a good example here,Ifif you witness something. You then tell people what happened andthen ten start questioning you about it say: Are you sure that was a red car?You Shul? It wasn't a purple car! It's like got now now, there's a thought. Maybeit was purple, I'm sure it was a purple car, I'm sure it was burb actually knowon. Yes, it was a purple cat. You've now kind of changed what what you wereseeing it, and even if that time, you waiktthink it was red, I'm not sure.Next time somebody asks you about it. Why has been stored is it was read orpurple and it memory changes all all the timeso that that's, what we're doing is were basically is removing all thenegative emotion around it and changing the meaning, so that next time youencounter this thing, your mind goes over. You had this. We Ort oh yeah,yeah na Aright, it's quite fully. Actually it's funny looking at spider,andwe're, fine with it wow that is that is so fascinating, so yeah. I want to unpack that a littlebit, so it seems, like you know, O overcomingfear, has a lot to do with rewiring. Your memories and I've read about thistopic before the idea that when we access, memories were actually changingthem a little bit from time to time and what you mentioned around, how you knoweven the way that other you know you can talk to other people about thesememories can influence the memory itself. That reminds me of thisphenomenon called the the Mandelafact, which I'm not sure, if you may haveheard of that's that comes to my Roudov, it yeahand something I'd love to to get into. Is You know, along this along thes thread ofreprogramming and kind of changing your relationship to these memories? What isthe role of of new placiticity in this process? It's all it's all kind of part of it. So as you as you're going through this,especially when you, when you're, changing the meanings that youassociate with this thing, that's reprogramme that that aspect of thebrain, so instead of the ring memoryyour mind going, this meansdanger, seeing this means we're at risk. If we encounter this, it means we coulddie. I means we have to run ethe ne Europasticity has allowed us tochange the connections that they between the neurarms and chames e,meaning so that, instead, when we count o situation, we go oh yes. This meansmaywe need to be alert to keep an eye out, but it's fine. This last Simriencouner this I survive. Every time I met the dog, I'm surmived, maybe dogsaren't dangerous actually as long as I'm careful with them EA. Obviously, ifit's snarling I'll keep away, but if his tails wagging and it's rowing onhis back with is legs in the air, it's save Tarticularlyn, so e we've changedchanged the meanings that we e, that we we associate with these things andthat's where the newreplasticity campink, because F, if we weren't ableto change those connections and make new yeuro connections, then well, wewouldn't be able to learn. We would never be able to change anything. Wewould just be the same as we were the day. We were born, HMM wow, so keeth, something I'd love to diveinto is one big Hart of of being in your element and being able to kind ofperform at your best is, is naturally it's dealing with it's seeting withfear and yeah. I was reading this book by Stevhen Cartle, I'm not sure if you,if yom familiar W H with some of his work, but he's written a lot about theidea of flow and and Pique performance, and he just released this new bookcalled chasing the impossible, and one of the one of the things he write about is howsome of the biggest you know the highest achievers, the biggest performers. The people whoyou know the extreme athletes and whatnot their relationship to fear isvery interesting. You know, we've talked a lot about how a lot of peoplewant to overcome far, but in some cases I feel as though and I'd love you in your your input on this, I feel asthough you can actually be used as a tool. Very much so, and you know a lotof these really high performance these these athletes. They they claim that they don't necessarilyhave an absence of this fear, but rather they actually use that tomotivate them to do those things that actually make them afraid, and I wanted to dive into that a littlebit and to get your insight into how we could actually use fear in our lives tohelp us do some of these big things. That is, it is a really fascinatingtopic. It touches on something hich,...

...which I often share with people, and that isthat fear, smit everything we think about it is byall the stuff we're told fearis. Actually, our friend, when you get deepdown to it fear, is our friend because fear, I simply you're unconscious,alerting you to the fact that you might have overlook something orthere's something you need to just maybe double check. Se Fearis is thatvoice isn that your it's that friend going ant. Are you sure we've switchedthe cooker off? Are you sure we'v Packed Enough? Have we got enough fuelfor this? It's that TAT fose, that's just saying,but there's something here we need to. We need to double check something weneed to be aware of, and certainy, especially N, when you're going intonew situations, you get that kind of element of fear. It's not saying don'tdo this, it's simetily going Ye Avetally, sure we've checked everythingis ther, anything that W that that were missing, plus Andso, I mean when you start to reallyacknowledge fear for what it is a start working with your unconscioussead offighting it instead of feel far and do it anyway or false evedence appearingreal and all these these things that ware Sai, when, when you knowldge heythis is just my unconscious saying hey. I want you to succeed with this. We gotto make this succeed and this is something which I think could be a riskto this project. Let's pause and take a look when you start to do that. Wonderful things happen because so youstart to have greater greater success because you're capching the theproblems earlier. You have less fear because, instead of your unconscioushaving to shout at you you're kind of getting that little gut, freeling orinstinct or whatever you want to call it you picking up on that earlier andearlier so you're, starting to make these these course corractions earlieryeah and the thing with the way which some athletes and so onuse fear it's the the bodies response which fear triggerswhich they find so sometimes addictive the Agrenalin, the thrill, theAdrennalin Rush, because when your body's in that mode, you, your censers,are heightened, which is safety thing, because your senses areheightened. So you can bring in more information and assess a threat, and italso feels so wonderful when Thos sensers are heightened and your partspumping that bit more you're breathing that bit more deeply. You feel it'sbeen described as you feel a bit more alive when you can harness that and for some people that that becomes areally really wonderful feeling, some that they enjoy. So they changed thatlittle bit of fear just to Makeo. Ah, yes, let's do this, which, which iswhere fear, Cann, really really helpen. Many of as experienced that in atslightly different way in our own lives, if you think about it, horror, films, scary stories, we lovethese things. I mean we would absolutely hate to be being chasedthrough the woods by by a vampire, but when we're watching a film, westill experience some of that. That fear, some of that that excitement onthat that thrill and we're doing it from a place of safety, because we knowit's just a film or it's just a book. We know nothing's actually going tohappen. We still get to experience that just just get some of that. I wasfeeling a bit more alive and at's gonna Happen, so we were even so,not just athletes and extreme sports people so but yon knor every day, Nigtfrom watching a story where there's a bit of suspense. Oh, what n Tha, Igotaga out. It's all tapping into into that same sort of thing: it's justheightening all of our our senses, heightening our reaction and responsorsand it can unin the right conditions and when safely done, cant actuallyfeel quite quite exhilarating. BECOUSE, WOE! You have to be careful, we don'tget addicted to it, which a small number of people can do. Just I can getaddicted O to pretty much anything they get addicted to that rash onto thethrill and sense of danger until unfortunately, they push it too farinto a situation which is too dangerous whiis, why many will end up,unfortunately, losing their lives, but as long as you can keep it, keep it andII, keep it under control and then enjoy it responsibly, as as they say,it can actually be e thrill for some people for other people that absolutelyhate it, because it just does not feel right. That's absolutely fine! Wheneverworks for Freaching dividual, but that's what's going on for some people,it stayes that it's not necessarily th fear itself and it's Ta Thrill, Tha,the sensors and the exhilaration that comes with the fear as your body'spreparing to fight or or run that's. What's what GETS PEOPLE HMM yeah? Youknow something that comes to mind to me. Is I especially a couple years ago, I usedto have quite a big fear of heights actually, and I very vividly remember the first timethat I went on a roler coaster and, as...

...you can imagine, it was probably it wasa very. It was a terrifying experience, but the leading that I had while facing that fear and actually oyou know overcoming it. It gave me such a rush that yeah I loved Roler coastersever since, but that fear of height hasn't gone away entirely. One of thereasons why I enjoy roller coasters, so much is because I get to face that fearand feel that rush and that that Ispositou of safety yeah,of course, of course, but that is that, as stuck with me that as stuck with meever since- and it definitely highlighted what you ere what you weretalking about about. You know feeding feeding this this this rush and wow. That is, that is fascinating.I know that we're coming up close to the to the end of the hour, but one one.One thing I would really love to to to ask is: You know: We'e spoken aboutsome of the ways that we can overcome: FEA by Chaning, our relationship tomemories and some other techniques that you mention. What are some of thethings maybe two or three things that peoplecan do to face their fear in the moment when they haven't had that trap workand they may just find themselves. You Know Oh crap, I'm on stage now or okay.You know like I can. I can see. I can see the ground a couple stories belowlike how can people cope with that fear, response, great question and you're right?Sometimes sometimes we do just have to face it in the moment. What the first thing I say is breathe, it sounds dating to say, but our breathreally can have an impact on the the on our minnute minute, O Manit second bysecond emotions, so pause and take two or three slow, deep breath. Closingyour eyes. If that helps, but just porti take a few slow, reallyslow, really deep, breaths all the way in hold the breaththrone and breatheout again doing that is, will always slightly calm the body so just have the I mean. Sometimes it'sdifficult and it may take you few gos, because Ou you try breathing a bit moresolly, but you're still breathing quite fast bet, just go with it until you getsome nice slow, deep breath and you onl have to do it for a moment or two iswhat this does is this gets plenty of oxygen into the body and into the brain,because when with skin or we often stat short breathing, which lowsthe meant of Canlor, the amount of optionatly got there because whe refugeis constantly going. We don't get to jolls much. I Tak some slow, deep breats that letsyou get plenty of Oxegin for just ot a couple of moments. It also kind of forces you to suspend whatever else that you'rethinking about everything else that you're doing, and that can be enoughjust to help so that when you reengage you're doing it from a slightlycome itperspective. I'm not saying this is going to go from somebeing terrified.If I used to, I can walk, I can walk a tight rote, no bother. I just take acouple of deep breat. I not say that, but what it can't you just abouthelping you to lower the lower the fear lower they, the Tengen on that's goingon o. that's the first thing takes a couple of slow, deep breaths and, asyou do, that maybe e's focus on something find something that's calmand relaxing that you could focus upon just to help. Help you to Camonlikt ishis a thing that they mind can't tell the difference between real andimagined. So, if you're remembering a time whene,you were really calm. Your body can't body Mi can't tell diffeence ree youactually remembering that time and you actually being calm. So it will startto calm a little bit. It's all just taking enough of an age of things so that you can Orfreez and you candeal with what whatever you're you're dealing with. So those woill be be two things andthen the third one is just remind yourself o how safe the situation is,for example, if you're about to speak with an audience, just remind yourselfthey're here to listen to what I've got to say. They want to hear what I've got to say so: cost they're not going to startthrowing things and booing and jeering and laughing. They want to listen towhat I have to say and a really key thing. When you'redeivering a talk, nobody knows what you are going to say, which means if you skip a bit or youkind of mix the order and which you're going to do the mome. Nobody knows sojust carry on just talk, nobody's going to know ifyou skipd a bit they're here to listen to what you have to say so by by doing just those three things.Okay can still be a scary thing, but it just takes the age off enough so thatyou can get through it, or at least you...

...can start because very often you'llfind anyo fan with the roller coaster. Once you start there and it starts tobecome nenjoyable, you kind of settle into it and then enjoy it. So it's justabout overcoming that initial, that Anyshal so so deep breath. Remembertime when you were calm and just remember, if you're speaking on stages, I'm wotpeople are there to hear you or, if yyou're in Erputin airplane, think Thet Sher number of players thatare flying every minute of every day, wow that is so interesting yeah. So itseems, like we've, got three three three started strategies: ther, visualBreathwork, visualization and enelment of reassurance. Yes, so very good wayof summing them up. That sounds that sounds awesome. Well, Keith. It hasbeen a pleasure getting to have this conversation with you and to learn moreabout fear and what goes into developing fears how we can overcomethem and a bit about your story and background. I think it's been afascinating discussion and I'm sure that the lisses are going to find thisreally really interesting. Before we wrap up. I would love youknow. If someone wants to learn more about your your story about your workand your practice, how can they get in touch? How can they find out more aboutwhat you do? You can find me at my website, KeithLake, more noblecom or you'll, find me across most social media. Just look forKeith Blake on over I'Mi'm, blessed to be the only personon the planet with with this name, so that does make it a little bit easierto. We US Sech for Keith Blake, more noble on social media or the website.We findin to connect, get ing, Tarch and Lo love to have chats with peopleawesome. Well there you havp you they have it. Folks, if you are havingtrouble, overcoming some fear, then Keith is your guy, so yeah. Iwould encourage anyone to go ahead and reach out and see see what kee can dofor you so yeah. That was it for today'sepisode. Thank you so much for listening. Everyone- and I hope youhave a fantastic rest of your day. Thank you for listening to the show in your element is proudly brought toyou by a single dude from his London apartment. This show does not have social media, I'm not going to ask that you leave areating or a follow. Instead, I'd love to see you coming back just becauseyou're seeking something different. I genuinely curious and are looking forways to reayfind and live in you element, just as I am as always: Keeping You keep crushinglife and keep finding you other I'll, see you the next one.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (13)