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InYourElement
InYourElement

Episode 3 · 1 year ago

Fear

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Doing anything worthwhile typically invovles discomfort and fear. Our relationship to fear can often time determine how far we're able to push ourselves, and can sometimes be the secret to exceptional performance in the arts, sports, and business.

In this episode, we sit down with Keith Blakemore-Noble, the UK's #1 Fear strategist. Keith is a renowned anti-fear coach, using practices such as NLP and Hypnosis to help 'reprogram' the minds of over 5000 people to break free from their phobias.

You can find out more about Keith's work at https://keithblakemorenoble.com. 

In your element is a show dedicated to helping you find your element. Every episode will be showcasing an idea, a story or an interesting person who's living in their element, with the hopes of helping you find your own. Being in your element can mean many things to some. It's a state off peak flow where you perform at your best, are happy and content with life and are doing interesting things which are worth while talking about. The idea is to uncover stories of people who are living in their element and Shaw wisdom on what it takes for others to also help find their own. So my guest today is Keith Blake More Noble. Now. Keith has a really interesting career where he helps people to transform their deepest fears into their greatest strengths. Since two thousand and ten he has helped over five thou people across the planet to transform their lives, which is why he is the UK's number one fear strategist. Prior to moving full time into helping people, he spent the best part of two decades in it, including leading a team with members in the UK, Norway and New Zealand. He's gone from reprogramming and upgrading computers to reprogramming and upgrading People's minds and the ladder definitely sounds more interesting and rewarding. So, Keith, I'm so excited to have you on the show. You've got such an interesting story and background and you know, I'd love to just dive straight into it and ask you know what brought you to this really interesting career part what was the the the the pull to to fear? Great question, Aaron, and I thank you for having me here. It's great, too, great to have have this chat. What what moved me from it to doing what I do now? Basically, I used to be painfully shy. For the first forty years of my life. I was kind of terrified as speaking with strangers. I used to think that I was lacking in confidence and now realize that basically I had social phobia. Just the thought of speaking with strangers was was terrified. There's no way, for example, you and I could be could be chatting like this. It's like Ah, how I speaking with somebody I don't know. So that's partly why I ended up in it, because it's great. I loved it. I enjoyed working with computers. I didn't really have to speak to many people perfect. But with with any career, as as you do well and you rise up, you eventually reach that point where it's no longer what you know, it's who you know that gets you future, gets your career progression. And, as you can imagine, being painfully shy for actively avoiding meeting New People, that kind of limitsure of your options for growth. There and also it was having, as you can imagine, quite an adverse impact on my social life, what there was of me hoping. How can you socialize when the thought of hanging out with strangers terrifying? And things things came to a head one Christmas. This was kind of just before the days of facebook, root and such like really really being big in people's lives. I was a member of an online community and I've gone with the people there nicely. It's great chatting from behind a computer. Computer key was brilliant and somebody suggested, because most of US lived with at that point, I lived down south. Most of US lived within about an hour or our source commute of London, someone suggested why don't we all get together and have a Christmas party, and I thought, why not? I know these people, I've been talking with them for the past year. How hard can it be? And I went there and discovered very quickly how hard it was, because there's a huge difference between talking via text on the computer keyboard actually physically meeting someone a big facetoface with them. So there I was, basically in a room full of strangers. In effect, it was it was terrifying. I had a panic attack. I actually locked myself in a...

...cubicle and the gents had a panic attack. Took about half an hour for me to calm back down again and I then fled. I ran from there. The venue didn't stop running till I was on the train. I didn't start coming down until the train was actually pulling out from the from the station. I didn't even stop to pick up my coat from me from the coach stand because that would have meant to be taking to somebody at that point. I was in just such a panny. So, as was on the train sad their head home, I was thinking, you know, you can't go through life like this. You've enough, enough, you got to do something. What's life going to be like in five years, ten years time? If you don't do something, it's going to suck and by chance coincidence, whatever you want to call it. A friend dragged me, pretty much dragged me along to weekend personal development seminar shortly after and I was I was a bit skeptical, but I thought, well, I'll go and see what's see what it's all about, and it had a really profound effect and I made some made progress in act in the event itself, I could feel hey, this stuff really really does does do something. Now, because it was a free event, obviously their plan was to sell as many people say could into their they into their trainings, and that's perfectly valid. What you're doing things. I said of thought, HMM, I've made some progress in just these two days. These tools that they're that they're selling, teaching how to use these tools. It was N LP and Hypnosis, coaching, that sort of stuff. I could use that to sort myself out. So, meeting me, I signed up, bought their entire everything they were offering, the NLP, hypnosis, the coach training, speaker training, the law, thinking well, might as well do it all. When through it all, use that to sort myself out. Found it was good at it and I enjoyed doing it. So, HMM, I'll be you know, it for a long time. I'm getting a bit bored of it. It'd be nice to to change careers, but I had a high paying job and I had all the outgoings and the mortgage and everything that goes with it. I couldn't goodn't afford. And then another magnificent piece of luck. A few months later I was calling to my manager's office. He said, Keith, sorry, because of their current finances, the company your position is now being grant made redundant. Basically, he's a wheel bower full of cash. Never come back. And that was the point in which I thought, you know what, if everyone was looking for a sign, this is it. Because up I enjoyed coaching. I wanted to do it. The only thing that's holding me back was I couldn't. Couldn't afford to take the big PA Cup while I build things up. I'm not just been given a big reel biwerful of cash. Let's do it. And that's when I transitioned into full time coaching and not look I've never looked back. Never looked back. Wow, that is such an interesting story and there's so much that I want to dive into an unpack there, but you know your your your journey from from it and in particular, you're I think you called it social phobia or special anxiety. That is something that really resonates with me because growing up that's something that I really struggled with. I was terrified of interacting with not particularly strangest but people that I even knew as well in person. I would walk down the street and I'm from a small place and from I'm from Gibraltar, and they are everyone knows everyone. So you can't you can't walk down the main street without bumping into someone you know, and that, to me, was one of the most daunting things and it's something that I really struggled with. So I resonate so much and I think it's something that a lot of people in who work in it also tend to struggle with. For some reason we're kind of drawn to what makes us feel comfortable, you know, sitting behind the computer screen, keyboard.

Sometimes an easier to send an email then it is to call someone. And I'm really curious, do you also find a lot of people come to you with help to overcome this kind of social anxiety, social phobia? Do they have these backgrounds in in it, or is that just you know, like a coincidence. You touch on a really interesting point there, and it's there. Is there? Absolutely is, there. Absolutely is the yet the stereotype around Ida of people being being socially awkward and getting on fine with computers and things. I can't get the computer to you, it's not worth doing. You then put them in front of a person. They become tongue tied and can't can't wait to get away there. This is stereotype and in parts that stereotype does come be. Case is kind of based on on reality. I mean, not everybody in it is shy and everybody in it is a social anxiety by any means, but a lot of people do, and I think you're right, a lot of US gravitate to it because it's that's the kind of person We outlawgical, analytical in I had able to take the time to solve all these all these problems. Fine with with doing everything on the computer, computer keyboard, but interacting with people is very, very different thing and can for a lot of people, be quite quite quite daunting. So a lot do get drawn to that and when I first set up as coaching I thought, you know, I don't want to be one of those people says, Hey, I'm a coach, I can help anyone with anything, because, well, you kind of people are looking for a Jack of all trade. So looking for somebody who focuses in their particular area and the more you focus on it, they're strongly you become on it. That's that's why I focus around fears and phobias, because it's the more I've been doing it for over ten years, certainly way ahead now of where I was when I started. As a result, so I thought, you know what, I couldn't niche following my own expertise. I used to work in it. I was painfully shy. I know the journey, I know what it's like, I know the challengers and I speak to speak the same language. Let's let's look at and lots of people in it who are painfully shy or social anxiety or whatever. So I set up seeking to work with such people and got very few clients and it was I took me a little while to realize what was what was going on. Many people in that situation hopefully contend and perfelly happy to remain in that. It's like, well, why would I want to start speaking with strange and I'm perfectly happy sat here and there in the back and again, when I look back on my situation, it wasn't until very later, a lot later on in my career, that I decided, you know, I have to do something about it. For the first fifteen years I was perfectly happy, joy, speak the strangers know, run, close it off. Fine, I'm happy. So he has a lot of people in idea have those, those sorts of behaviors and outlooks on life, but they're perfectly happy with they don't want to change. And if you don't want to change, why would you? So that's when I started moving out into the into the wider world. So that answers your question in some sort. Yeah, that that really that paints are really call for picture. I guess one of my next questions would be what are the types of clients? And I know you wouldn't be able to get into too much detail, but you know at a high level, what are the kinds of people, the types of clients that come to you and what are there? What are some of their fears? What are some of the recurring types of fears that you usually encounter and and deal with? A holy question lovely question. So you can kind of split the people I work with into kind of two categories. You got general public, will call him, for want of a better description,...

...and then you've got people who work, who work in business, perhaps own own and run their own business. All that they're they're part of a small business. So for the general public, by far the biggest collection of fears that the people come with her fears of flying, fears of height and fears of spiders. Those tend to be by farther. That's the biggest of my compost common ones and the things given me. The thing which links all of those people is they've reached the point where this fear is such a problem in their life it's stopping them doing something, from doing things. Like lady who was terror scared of flying. She also turns out head Claustrophobia as well, which didn't tell with it with the flying, and her husband was actually living and working out in Hong Kong. He was on a contract out there for two or three years or something like that, and because of her fear of fear of flying, there was no way she could she could visit visit her husband and because of his job, he wasn't able to come back to the k very often, where as she was retired, so she had all the time in the world. She could visit him, but she couldn't cause she was terrified that would that kind of drew a to go going to do some things. We had our session and a few weeks later got an email from a hey, I'm out in Hong Kong with my husband and we're having a beautiful time. Completely surprised him by turning up. There you go. And on the business side, self employed or small business, you've got people where they have a fear and it they know it's stopping them from from growing their business, and can give three three quick examples. The two most common ones are speaking in front of people, whether it's on a stage in front of a thousand people or whether it's in a networking meeting speaking in front of Twenty people, or even speaking in front of some clients or whatever. Speak speaking to groups. Is is a very common fear and you reach the point where you have to do something about it because otherwise you your company's just not going to grow and, worse on, your competitors will grow because they're always be the one who are out there speaking and so you end not getting signline or pick up the phone and making those calls. See Me, whether it's prospecting calls or keeping customers updated or breaking bad news to customers. I know we committed to this schedule. I've my supplies have let me down. We have to delay it by a week. Those sorts of things, or picking up phone to making make prospecting calls and introduce yourself to to potential clients. The was a lady who she ran network marketing business and what she used to do is every every weekend should make a list of twenty five people her a plan being she's going to call five on the Monday morning, five on the Tuesday morning and so on and so on so on. She'd get to the end of the week and she found she'd called nobody. Every time she went to make a phone call she would find lots of urgent things she had to do instead, like, oh, there's a cobweb up in the corner, I better go and do some dust, anything to get out and making the calls. This would happen week after week after week. You can imagine the impact that has on the business. We did a session together. She Sat Sunday night she wrote the list of twenty five people. I asked to give me a call on the Monday afternoon to let me know how she got on with a five people. She phone me on the Monday afternoons. I've got a problem. What's up? Well, I'm a minister twenty five. I sat down this morning to call the first five people. I loved making those calls so much I called all twenty five people. I've got nobody to call to morrow, but now you've got a much better class a problem and the impact on the business. As you can imagine, her business rocky because now she was connecting. So she got over that fear that was holding it back. So with businesses and business people it's the fear which they know is holding...

...back there the growth of their business, all them within their business. So those kind of tend to be the two most common one the two different pad degrees of people and the most common fears within them. Of course, outside of that, as you can imagine, there's all manner of different things. We people can literally have a fear of absolutely anything. It's possible to have a fear of anything, but some things are more common than others. Wow, that is. That is so interesting because there's a bunch of I'd love to dive into. But one of the things that really I would love to ask is you mentioned that you can be afraid of anything, and so I'm really curious what is some of the most irrational, you know crazy fears that you've come across, things that you just would not expect? Sure, first thing, it's interesting you use the word irrational. They're all phobias are irrational, and I don't mean that in any any judging way or anything like that. It's part of the definition of a phobia and if it's all right with you, will just explore that for a minute, to take a side detail, to explore that, because sometimes people say, Oh, I've got a phobia of x y Zaid, and it turns out they hound that you got a mild dislike of it, because a phobia is really intense, irrational fear of something that poses, you know, real threat or risk. It's like a spider, for example. spiders think they can't do anything, they can't arm, as we know, because I used to have three phobias, social phobia, fear, fear of heights and the fear of spy US those were the three of that I used to have for years. Haven't got it. Haven't gotten now and it's so good to get rid of them. But I can understand what it's like, I mean with with spiders. I remember one time was helping friends move house and I was helping the husband and I'm six foot too tall. He's about six foot two tall. We're both well built. We're in the garage. We moved sheet of wood away from a wall. Hundreds of spiders behind. They're alls aren't the scattering, and the two of us are terrified as bid as we were both backed against the opposite wall wine. Let's not tell anybody about this. When you are the spiders a no threat, but it still doesn't stop you being scared. So to know, if, if you have a phobia, it's an intense, irrational fear of something that poses you know, threatened. By intense I mean it can kind of make you freeze on the spot, your hearts pounding, cold sweats, all that sort of stuff. And yet you can have fears or phobias of anything. Couple of the most strange one so one too, a edit word. One was a lady who had a fear of vomiting, of being sick, and not just of her being sick, but of the thought of others being sick. Now she she is a dancer and she lives in New Zealand and she reached the point where she was starting to get inquiries for work from America because the group that she was with they were they were getting lots of inquired from America, which made flying out there. Now for her, flying was a big problem, not because she was scared of flying, but what if there's turbulence and somebody on the plane is sick? And that was enough to kind of freak her out. We did session, got a completely over that. We obviously she doesn't look forward to the thought of throwing up and over you would, but she's she's okay with the thought of it. And I know this because I got an email from her a few weeks later say hey, guess what I mean, La I. I'm an auditioned for a dance troup in in La yes, go you so. Yeah, fear of vomit or vomiting and just fear of the thought of other people vomiting. It was enough to stop her from following a career and another really strange one...

...somebody who had a fear of the color yellow. Anything that yellow was enough to send him into into panics, and that that is a that was a really, really obscure one. So you really can be scared of or there are you can find anything that that somebody would be scared of, and the thing to remember is it is because of fear is an uncommon one, like yellow, then will be very few people have that fear. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, doesn't mean you're strange or weird. It's cutting not something to laugh at. It's just what APPS. Something happened in life which taught you to be, to be deeply fearful of that thing. HMM, that's all. It could happen to any of us. That is really interesting. I'd love to learn more about what exactly how fears actually develop. You mentioned it something you know. It can have the result as of you know, as a result of some kind of experience. Can you dive into that and sort of unpack now exactly people develop irrational fears? Absolutely so. There are three ways that we develop fears, because when we're born we are scared of absolutely nothing. We have no fears whatsoever. As in as any parents of really young children a will testify there's scared of nothing and the world can be a very dangerous place if you're not careful. So as parents and as guardians, or is us, as anyone that the young children look up to, it's our responsibility to help to instill a healthy respect for the dangers of of life so that the kids are in up killing themselves. Unfortunately, we don't always do that good a job of it. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we inadvertently over over state that the dangers and there are three ways in which we learn fears. Most of our fears we develop a young age, before the age of seven. Sometimes things will happen will love them in later life. At the majority of fears that we have we can trace all the way back to when we were at age zero, two, seven. And the three ways in which we learn them are through direct experience, through observation or through being taught. And I'll just explain each one in a little a little detail. So through direct experience. Imagine, imagine you're a three year old AH, you're out in the park with with your parents. They're off being boring speaking with other other other adults grown up. So you wander often. Have to have a explore the park and play. You can still see your parents are they can still see you. That's all fine. See, you're wandering around. All of a sudden this this thing comes bouncing up towards you, teeth fur big slobbery tongue is barking away. It's a dog coming, running at racing up to up to you. Now the dog just wants to play. It's just sees to tell. Yeah, so where to play with? Somebody new to me? Yeah, it's barking away, tell, whicking so on. You've maybe not encountered dogs before, something not this close up, and you freak out. Is like, I'm scared and you scream. Your parents see what's happening. They are not close enough to be able to pull you away or to protect you whatever, so they start screaming at you to come to them and screaming at a dog to get out of the way. And when we're that age, our parents like gods to us. Nothing phases them. And here they are. They seem to be terrified and they screaming and shouting and so on as well, and that just sears in our brain. Oh my word, this thing could eat me, this is dangerous. So at that point we've learned this thing is a threat to our life. Now are unconscious. The unconscious part of my mind has its main function is to keep us alive, to protect us and keep us safe. So it now kind of stores and it's little pad of very dangerous things,...

...dog. So anytime we see a dog thereafter that really call part, which is looking for threats, sees this and goes AH, hits the red alert button, puts, puts US onto full alert. That happens in an instant. It takes our conscious mind a little bit of time to go what's that? Oh it's a dog. Oh that's perfectly safe, that's just anything else you are. That couldn't hurt me. But by that time your body's in full red alert, your adrenalines pumping, ready for you to run or fight for your life. You can't Switech that a very, very quickly. You can't switch that off easy, which is why you going to into your fear, even though you know it can't hurt you. You've gone into interfere because it's something is something you learned. The next way we can learn fears is by observation. So suppose when you're you're one year old or less than a year old. Every time a parent sees a spine do they freaked out and they view this throughout your whole life. You very quickly learn, oh, that's what we do. We see one of those, those things, we freaked out, got it. I can do that because we learn by observing and mimicking, mimicking what's what those around us. Do. So we've very quickly learned to be scared as spiders, even though we've never had a problem with him, even though we don't know what they are, we don't see any danger with them. We've learned. That's how that's how you respond. And the Third Way is we get explicitly taught. Now there's forwards, which I'm willing to bet pretty much every listener here has had said to them when they were growing up. Don't talk to strangers. We all get taught that as as really young children, and it's there's no two ways about. It's absolutely lifesaving advice. But there's the thing. When was the last time somebody said to you, hey, Aaron, you're big enough and old enough, you can look after yourself. Aaron, it's okay to talk to strangers. So we tells us this class when were that young, because our parents are instillingness into us because they are terrified of what could happen if we do talk to strangers. So I emotion comes through. So instead of it being don't talk to strangers, it comes a it to us. It seems to come across more as don't you dare doctor, stranger, because if you talked to her, a stranger, I'll kill you to death. At Mommy and Dandie will be very upset and will be your fault because you spoke to a strangers. And wonders when you grow up scared of speaking to strangers or whatever other thing that that that that's center. Get down over there, your pall and break your leg, depending upon that. There's the person situations on they've started develop a fear of hearts. So those are the three ways in which we learned fears, usually before the age of about seven, just because of the way our minds and brains develop. So usually when we are but when we're older things can happen as well. I mean, if you're in a nasty car crash, could well develop a bit of an aversion to being in cars. That is so that is so interesting and you know, my next question kind of revolves around you mentioned you know, fear is something that we can learn to we can learn to be afraid of something. My next question is actually about kind of intrinsic fear. You mentioned that you know, when you're born you're not afraid of anything, and something that came to mind is the dark and how you know. It seems like you know, fundamentally, like almost everyone, if not afraid, that at least a little bit uncomfortable with with the dark, and I'm wondering, could that be an example of something that is, you know, that the humans are intrinsically afraid of? Is there such a thing as intrinsic fear, or is every kind of fear a learned response? Got It grand and it's a great, great question.

I mean yes, went were way, way, way back, hundreds of thousands of years ago. The dark did hold all manner of threats to us, and so in those days we would have had bit more of a fear of dark because it could hold walls which were going to tear us apart, meet us, for example, or it could hold another tribe who's going to come on try and and kill us all, kill us all off or whatever. So do we have an intrinsic fear of the dark? Genetically we're it's very lightly. Genetically we're predisposed to being able to quickly learn to be afraid of the dark, if you see what I mean, because those who, those who were had no never learned to be afraid of the dark. Probably got eaten by those walls. So they didn't get a chance to pass their jeens on. So we're probably predigenetically predisposed to developing fears of the dark. But we're not born scared of the dark. It's against stuff that we learned. So, for example, if there's always lights on, always, always lights on. So we don't tend to get to experience the dark sem so when we encounter the dark it can be a bit unnerving, not because we're scared of it, but it's just a sort of Oh to what to do, and never really done this before. And then we start hearing things and we start imagining staff or we start hearing tales, even when we're really young, stories about going into the dark and all these things. So we start to hear these and our imagination bills them up and and put some all together, whereas, on the other hand, if you if you have joe babies, that when they're asleep it's dark and that that think they grow accustomed to being in the dark. They're not not scared of the dark, not because the genetically any different, it's just their environment. At the time they were exposed both to light and dart so they got comfortable with with with both. So once they wreck reached the point of being able to understand these stories about ghost he's and goblins and things in the dark, that it doesn't the mind doesn't go, oh right, if it's dark. Is Full of those because that they're used to having been in being in the dark. Wow, wow, that's so that's how interesting I think one of the one of the next things I'd love to get into is we've spoken about how people develop fears. Now I'd like to talk a little bit about how people can overcome fears and what are some of the what are some of the things that people can do to start facing those fears and overcoming them? What does what does that look like in your practice? Cool, so when I work with people and every time I work with someone, it's always bespoke to that part secular person. I don't sort of have it right. Is a checklist. We're going to do this, then this, then list and then you'll be fine, because life doesn't work that way. Computers might work that way, people don't because they're all different. But the underlying kind of approach, the underlying sort of key point keep things that we do or the key aims are already consistent across everyone, and that is to remove given that we've it was something taught us to be scared. Somewhere there was a very first event that taught us to be scared. Everything we experienced after that simply reinforced the lesson. So when we can go back to that very first lesson, very first event, get rid of all the negative emotion that's there, first thing we do is remove the emotion around that event, because those a lot of fear and sorry. So when you're able to kind of view that event almost like a third person, third party watching the event from afar, and there's no emotion there, then you're able to start to change what that event means to you, because...

...nothing has any absolute meaning. Things only mean what we what we choose them, choose them to mean. Three people can watch the same film and all three of you come away with different interpretations as to what it meant, none of which were the the meaning that the director had in mind went when they were making it. For example, things mean whatever we choose them to me. So when we learned to be scared of something, we learned that means dogs are dangerous and when I see a dollar, should run or is it doesn't mean? Doesn't necessarily mean that at all. So we by getting rid of the emotion, we're then able to watch it with the benefit of hindsight and kind of for us as a third party observing what's happening at start to learn new things that it means, and as we do that, it kind of changes at per section of what this thing is, what it means, which means we no longer have the fear. Now, when I mention this to people that say what, Oh, does that mean? You're going to go in to start changing my memories and changing all of these things, and know we're not. As such, I'm not. We don't get weighed in and reprogram your memories and that sort of thing, because there's a very interesting thing about memory. When we remember an event, we're not actually remembering the event, we are remembering the last time that we remembered it, because it turns out the Act of remembering something actually destroys that memory because that the memory is stored with different charges and chemicals and so on in urons. By accessing that memory, they all they all disappear. So that memory is gone. But something cool happens when we remember an event. We actually remember remembering it. So as we remember it, was storing what we're remembering. So when you remember something, all you're really doing it just remembering the last time you remembered it. Now, how memory is not fallible. So if you're recalling an event, a part of so, another part of your mind, is is recording what you're remembering. It's also going to be recording what's could be going on for you now and maybe some of the emotions that's going on now and the situation is going on there, which means when you remember an event that was really scary, but you're you're having the time of your life and you're really laughing lots, and you keep repeating that process over and over for a few minutes, that memory net when you remember it. Instead of remembering all the fear, you're actually remembering some of the laughter and as on that it was going last time you remembered it. So you actually got rid of the the negative emotion and that that whole thing about her. Memory changes as we as we were remembering things. That's why, for example, sort I think of a good example here, if, if you witness something, you then tell people what happened and then start questioning you about it, as are you sure that was a red car? You shure I wasn't a purple car? It's like, God, now now that's a thought. Maybe it was purple. I'm sure. As a purple car, I'm sure it was BURP. Actually know what? Yes, it was a purple cart. You've now kind of change what you're seeing and even if that time you ain't, Oh, I think it was right. I'm not sure, next time somebody asks you about it, what has been stored is it was read or purple, and it memory changes all the time. So that's what we're doing, is we're basically just removing all the negative emotion around it, changing the meaning so that next time you're your encounter this thing, your mind goes so we had this before. Oh Yeah, oh, yeah, right. It's quite funny. Actually it's funny looking a little spider and we're fine with it. Wow,...

...that is that is so fascinating. So, yeah, I want to unpack that a little bit. So it seems like, you know, of overcoming fear has a lot to do with rewiring your memories, and I've read about this topic before, the idea that when we access memories, were actually changing them a little bit from time to time. And what you mentioned around how, you know, even the way that other you know, you can talk to other people about these memories, can influence the memory itself. That reminds me of this phenomenon called the the Mandela effect, which I'm not sure if you may have heard of. Yes, that's that comes to my trader it. Yeah, and something I'd of to to get into is, you know, along this along this thread of reprogramming and kind of changing your relationship to these memories, what is the role of neoplasidicity in this process? It's all, it's all kind of part of it. So as as you as you going through this, especially when you're when you're changing the meanings that you associate with this sting, that's reprogramming. That the aspect of the brain. So instead of the brain memory, your mind going this means danger. Seeing this means we're at risk. If we encounter this, it means we could die, it means we have to run. The new neuroplasticity has allowed us to change the connections that they between the neurons and chames the meaning so that instead, when we encounter a situation, we go, oh, yes, this means maybe need to be alert, keep an eye out, but it's fine this class am I encounter this, I survived. Every time I met a dog, I've survived. HMM, letbe dogs aren't dangerous actually, as long as I'm careful with them. I obviously if it's snarling, I'll keep away, but if it's tails wagging it, it's rolling on his back with its legs in the air, it's safe. tarticularly. So we've changed, changed their meanings that were that there. We associate with these things, and that's where the neuroplasticity comes in, because if if we weren't able to change those connections, make new neural connections, then well, we wouldn't be able to learn, we would never be able to change anything. We would just be the same as we were the day we were born. MMM, wow, so keith, something I'd love to dive into is one big heart of of being in your element and being able to kind of perform at your best is is naturally, it's dealing with, it's dealing with fear. And I was reading this book by Steven Cartler. I'm not sure if you if I'm familiar with with some of his work, but he's written a lot about the idea of flow and and peak performance and he just released this new book called chasing the impossible, and one of the one of the things he writes about is how some of the biggest, you know that the highest achievers, the the the the biggest performers, the people who, you know, the extreme athletes and whatnot, their relationship to fear is very interesting. You know, we've talked a lot about how a lot of people want to overcome fear, but in some cases I feel as though, and I'd love your in your your your your input on this, I feel as though fear can actually be used as a tool or so and you know, a lot of these really high performance, these these athletes, they they they claim that they don't necessarily have an absence of this fear, but rather they actually use that to motivate them to do those things that actually make them afraid, and I wanted to dive into that little bit and and to get your insight into how we could actually use fear in our lives to help us do some of these big things. That is it is a really fascinating topic. It touches on something which I often share with people, and that is that fear, despite everything we...

...think about, it's by all the stuff we're told, fear is actually our friend. When you get deep down to it, fear is our friend because fear is simply your unconscious alerting you to the fact that you might have overlooked something or there's something you need to just maybe double check. The fear is that voice, it's that your it's that friend going aren't are you sure we've switched the cooker off? Are you sure we packed enough? Have we got enough fuel for this? It's it's that it's that voice that's just saying that there something here we need to we need to double check, something, we need to be aware of and certainly especially when you're going into new situations, you get that kind of element of fear. It's not saying don't do this. It's something going are you actually sure we've checked everything? Is there anything that there were missing? Plus and so I mean when you start to really acknowledge fear for what it is, start working with your unconscious stead of fighting it, instead of feel fear and do it anyway, or false evidence appearing real and all these these things, it was a when you, when you acknowledge hape this. It's just my unconscious saying, yeah, I want you to succeed with this. We got to make the succeed and this is something which I think could be a risk to this project. Let's pause and take a look. When you start to do that, wonderful things happen because so you start to have greater, greater success because you're catching the problems earlier. You have less fear because, instead of your unconscious having to shout at you, you're kind of getting that little gut feeling or instinct or whatever you want to call it. You picking up on that earlier and earlier. So you're starting to make these these course corrections earlier and earlier. And the thing with the way which some athletes and so on use fear, it's the body's response which fear triggers which they find so sometimes addictive, the adrenaline, the thrill, the adrenaline rush, because when your body's in that mode, your your sensers are heightened, which is a safety thing, because your senses are heightened so you can bring in more information and assessor threat. Also feel so wonderful. Witness senses are heightened and your hearts pumping that bit more, you're breathing that bit more deeply. You feel, it's been described as you feel a bit more alive. When, when you can harness that, and for some people that that becomes a really, really wonderful feeling, something they enjoy. So they change that little bit of fear just to make a Ah yes, let's do this, which, which is where the fear can can really really help. And many of us experience that in a slightly different way in our own lives. At me, if you think about it, horror films, scary stories, we love these things. I mean we would absolutely hate to be being chased through the woods by a vampire, but when we're watching a film we still experience some of that that fear, some of that that excitements and that that thrill. And we're doing it from a place of safety because we know it's just a film or it's just a book. We know nothing's actually going to happen, but we still get to experience that, just just get some of that almost feeling a bit more alive and Oh, what's gonna Happen? So we even so, not just athletes and extreme sports people and so on, but in our everyday life, from watching a story where there's a bit of suspense. Oh, what's going to happen? Ever going to get out? Oh, it's all tapping into into that same sort of thing. Is just heightening all of our senses, heightening our reaction are responses and it can UN in the right conditions and when safely done, can actually feel quite quite exhilarating, because we do have to be careful we don't get addicted to it, which a small number of people can do just that. You can get addicted to pretty much anything. They get addicted to that rush and to the thrill and the sense of danger until unfortunately they push it too far...

...into situation which is too dangerous, which is I many will end up unfortunately losing their lives. But as long as you can keep it, keep it, and I keep it under control and then enjoy it responsibly. As as they say, it can actually be as real for some people. For other people that absolutely hate it because it just does not feel right. That's absolutely fine, whatever works for for each individual, but that's what's going on for some people. It states that it's not necessarily fear itself, when it's a thrill. Senses and the exhilaration that comes with the fear as your body's preparing to fight or run. That's what's what gets people. MMM. Yeah, you know, something that comes to mind to me is I especially a couple of years ago, I used to have quite a big fear of heights actually, and I very vividly remember the first time that I went on a roller coaster and, as you can imagine, it was probably it was a very it was a terrifying experience, but the feeling that I had while facing that fear and actually of you know, overcoming it, it gave me such a rush that, yeah, I I loved roller coasters ever since, but that fear of heights hasn't gone away entirely. One of the reasons why I enjoy roller coasters so much it's because I get to face that fear and feel that rush and that that as is your safety. Yeah, of course, of course, but that that is that are stuck with me, that are stuck with me ever since and it definitely highlighted what you were what you were tolking about about, you know, feeding, feeding, this this this rush, and wow, that is that is fascinating. I know that we're coming up close to the to the end of the hour, but one one, one thing I would really love to to to ask is, you know, we're spoken about some of the ways that we can overcome fear by changing our relationship to memories and some other techniques that you mention. What are some other things, maybe two or three things, that people can do to face their fear in the moment when they haven't had that crap work and they may just find themselves, you know, Oh crap, I'm on stage now, or you know, like I can I can see, I can see the the ground a couple stories below. Like, how can people cope with that fear? Response, great question, and you're right. Sometimes, sometimes we do just have to face it in the moment. The first thing I say is breathe. That sounds darting to say, but how breath really can have an impact on the the on a minute to minute, a minute, second by second emotions. So pause and take two or three slow deep breaths, closing your eyes if if that helps, or just pull I take a few slow, really slow, really deep breaths. The all Ay in all the breath own and breathe out again. Doing that is will always slightly calm the body. So just have the I mean sometimes it's difficult and it may take you few goes because you you try breathing a bit more slowly but you're still breathing quite fast. But just go with it until you get some nice slow deep breath and you only have to do it for a moment or two. Is What this does is this gets plenty of oxygen into the body and into the brain, because when we're scared so we often start short breathing, which lowers the amount of can lower the amount of option that we've got there, because we're reath is is constantly going. We don't get to absorb as much of me take some slow deep breaths. That lets you get plenty of oxygen for just deck a couple of moments. It also kind of forces you to suspend whatever else that you're thinking about, everything else that you're doing, and that can be enough just to help so that when you re engage you're doing it from...

...a slightly calm of perspective. And now, I'm not saying this is going to go from someone being terrified if heights too, I can walk, I can walk a tight rope, no bother, I just take a couple of deep breaths. I'm not saying that, but what it can just about helping you to lower the lower the fear, lower they the tension, so on. That's going on. That's the first thing. To take a couple of slow, deep breaths and as you do that, maybe he's focus on something. Find something that's calm and relaxing that you could focus us upon just to help help you to calm and light is is the thing that the mind can't tell the difference between real and imagined. So if you're remembering a time where you were really calm, your body can't body and mind can't tell the if it's between you actually remembering that time and you actually being calm, so it will start to calm a little bit and it's all just taking enough of an edge off things so that you can UN freeze and you can deal with what, whatever you're you're dealing with. So those would be be two things. And then the third one is just remind yourself of how safe the situation is. For example, if you're about to speak with an audience, just remind yourself they're here to listen to what I've got to say. They want to hear what I've got to say. So Costa are not going to start throwing things and booing and jeering and laughing. They want to listen to what I have to say. And really key thing when you're delivering at allll nobody knows what you are going to say, which means if you skip a bit or you kind of mix the order in which you're going to do them, nobody knows. So just carry on, just talk. Nobody's going to know if you skipped a bit. They're here to listen to what you have to say. So by it, by doing just those three things, okay, can still be a scary thing, bod it just takes the edge off enough so that you can get through it, or at least you can start, because very often you'll find that you found with a roller coaster once you start, then and it starts to become enjoyable. You you kind of settled into it and then enjoy it. So it's just about overcoming that initial, the initial so slow, deep breath, remember time when you were calm and just remember if you're speaking on stage, example, people are there to hear you. Or if you're a nerpl a airplane, think of that sheer number of planes are flying every minute of every day. Wow, that is so interesting. Yeah, so it seems like we've got three, three, three start of strategies that are visual, breathwork, visualization and an element of reassurance. Yes, so very good. We're something mark. That sounds that sounds awesome. Well, Keith, it's has been a pleasure getting to have this conversation with you and to learn more about fear and what goes into developing fears, how we can overcome them, and a bit about your story and background. I think it's been a fascinating discussion and I'm sure that the lists are going to find this really, really interesting. Before we wrap up, I would love you know, if someone wants to learn more about your your story, about your work and your practice, how can they get in touch? How can they find out more about what you do. You can find me at my website, Keith like more noblecom or you will find me across most social media. Just look for Keith Blake one noble. I'm I'm blessed to be the only person on the planet with with this name, so that that does make it a little bit easier to we do. Search for Keith Blake more noble on social media or the website. You'll find it to connect, get in touch and love to have chats with people. Awesome will. There you have you. There you have it. Folks, if you are having trouble overcoming some fear, then Keith is your guy. So yeah, I would encourage anyone to go ahead and reach out and see see what Keith can do for...

...you. So yeah, that was it for today's episode. Thank you so much for listening, everyone, and I hope you have a fantastic rest of your day. Thank you for listening to the show in your element is proudly brought to you by a single dude from his London apartment. This show does not have social media. I'm not going to ask that you leave a rating or a follow. Instead, I'd love to see you coming back just because you're seeking something different, a genuinely curious and ill looking for ways to really find and live in your element, just as I am as always, keep being you, keep crushing life and keep finding your element. I'll see you the next one.

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